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It was the luncheon portion of the academic conference when I witnessed the anomaly. A gorgeous, well-dressed man had claimed the chair to my right at the table. There are plenty of good-looking academics, but few of them show up to a scholarly conference impeccably dressed in a three-piece pin-stripped suit, matching tie tack and cuff links, and shoes as shiny as mirrors. My reaction upon observing this unusual creature outside his native habitat? This is going to be a mighty fine lunch.

I would like to say that this story has a happy ending and that we united to form scholarly offspring who speak five languages and tell physics jokes without appearing nerdy. But alas, this was not to be in this timeline. As Dr. Suit sat down for lunch, he reached across the table to grab a roll from the bread basket. He buried his entire hairy hand in the vessel until he found the specimen he craved. It was a perfectly round roll. He then proceeded to spread mountains of butter on its entire spherical surface, until the roll ceased to be no longer. It had been transformed…to a Ball o’ Butter. Dr. Suit’s fingers were smeared with butter and when he appeared satisfied that his masterpiece, the Ball o’ Butter, was complete, he then commenced gorging on it, one huge buttery bite at a time. He shifted said Ball o’ Butter between hands, licking his once perfectly manicured fingers as he went. I quickly lost my appetite (for the food and the man).

I often think of this moment -- not because I hunger for memories of the grotesque -- but because I wonder: Is this how Dr. Suit behaves on a job interview? Or at dinner with his dean? I would hope not, but something tells me he had no idea that he was demonstrating improper and disrespectful manners, in the process making a lasting negative impression on me.

Professionals in any field often neglect a basic understanding of proper etiquette in interacting with other human beings. We are inclined to argue that our skills, talents and reputation alone will secure us advancement opportunities. Academics especially opine that any impression they impart from behavior is inconsequential to what super star scholars they are, and it matters not how they hold their fork or eat their bread at a business dinner.

But the truth is that academe is a profession in which one must behave professionally at all times. Being professional means demonstrating you are serious about your craft, and having good manners and proper business etiquette for all occasions promotes and amplifies your level of professionalism. When you practice flawless etiquette, your talents are bolstered, allowing attention to be paid to you, and not your slimy buttery fingers (which you keep wiping on your pants). Furthermore, in acting as a professional with professional behavioral traits, you are demonstrating a high level of respect for both you and your colleagues.

In Dr. Suit’s case, he made some terrible and basic mistakes when he sat down at the lunch. He ruined his chances of communicating his wisdom because all I could concentrate on was his bad manners. Here are some pointers for professional etiquette at meals and in interactions so that you don’t become a Dr. Suit:

Smile, and remember other actions to take during the first interaction. When you meet someone for the first time, there are five things you should do: introduce yourself, shake the person’s hand, look them in the eyes, smile, and say their name back to them (so they know you are listening and you know that you pronounced their moniker correctly).

Keep your handshake quick, firm and dry. Shaking hands leaves more of an impression than one realizes. Your handshake should be firm, dry, and quick. The shake should employ two pumps up and down, and then get the heck out of there. Don’t linger and don’t keep holding their hand like you’re mates. Don’t use your other hand for the “reach around," in which you grab your colleagues shoulder and shake their entire body. Utilize the whole hand -- don’t engage a shake with three fingers. Keep yourself dry by not clasping anything in advance (like a drink or a briefcase), and always use your right hand.

Place that napkin on your lap. When you arrive at a luncheon, whether the table is for 2 people or 10, sit down and immediately put the napkin on your lap. The napkin will stay on your lap the entire time you are sitting there, even after the meal is complete. It should never touch the table until you rise to leave.

Harness the silverware. If you are at an event in which the table is set with multiple utensils, here is a simple trick to remember which to use and when. Start from the outside in, and for each course, use the utensil that is farthest from your plate. If you drop your fork on the floor, ask your server for another -- don’t reach for it.

Utilize the b-d rule for triumph over the bread plate. When you sit down at a round table, you are immediately faced with lots of glasses, coffee cups, and bread plates. Which is yours? You can’t go wrong with the b-d rule. In your lap, take both your hands and form the OK sign with your thumb and pointer finger touching to shape an “o”. Keep your other fingers extended straight and together. With both hands in this position, you will see the shape of a “b” on the left hand and a “d” on the right. The “b” stands for bread, which means your bread plate will always be on your left. The “d” means drink, which translates to your drinking glasses and cup placed on your right. Now, invariably at large luncheon tables, there will be someone who will make an error, incorrectly claim the bread plate on their right, causing a domino effect around the table, leaving you without. No need to fret (or call attention to the mistake). Simply ask the server for another one.

Don’t reach or grab, just pass. If you want something on the table, such as the salt shaker or bread basket, and it is not within arm’s length (while you are still sitting), ask your colleague to pass it to you. For bread baskets, there is no need to touch every roll, just take the one at the top. When you have made your selection, put the basket directly in front of you (you don’t have to pass it back to the person unless they request it). If someone asks you to pass the salt, always offer both the salt and pepper, and never grasp the shakers from the top.

Consume your bread in no less than an eon. Don’t eat your roll like an apple. The courteous way to dine on bread is to tear off a bite-size piece, butter only that morsel, and pop it in your mouth. Chew, swallow, and repeat. It may take a million years to eat your bread, but at least you will look like a gentleman or lady while doing it.

Other rules include not eating until everyone is served, and refraining from wiping your nose, picking your teeth, or applying ChapStick while seated at the table.

I was having dinner with one of my graduate students and a CEO a few years ago when I noticed my student was holding his fork like he was in the Big House and was fearful someone would try to swipe it. He treated it like a scoop, and shoveled food into his mouth like it was his last meal. I was embarrassed for him, embarrassed for me, and embarrassed for the business leader, especially since the student was speaking with him about potential job opportunities. I would have hated for this talented, intelligent, and driven student of excellent academic pedigree to miss out on a professional opportunity simply because he did not take the time to employ the most courteous way to interact with someone over a business meal.

The reality is that scholarly strength can get you in the door, but proper etiquette and manners will seal the deal, and ultimately, elevate your academic credentials. So the next time you have an important function, wear a great suit, shine your shoes, and make sure you hone your business etiquette skills before you go. You will make an impression that can land you the opportunity you crave. And for goodness sake, under no circumstances, no matter how much you desire it, don’t lick your fingers and don’t build a Ball o’ Butter.